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Understanding and Applying Biblical Forgiveness:**
I. Forgiveness is not forgetting. God never forgets our sins. He does not have a bad memory. When God separates our sins from us, “as far as the East is from the West” (Psalm 103:12), it means He chooses not to hold that sin against us. He does not allow that sin to keep Him from demonstrating unconditional love. “I will not remember your sins” is more literally, “I will not bring-to-mind your sins”. (Context of Isaiah 43:25-28 makes this explicit point.)
II. Forgiveness is a choice of our will. If I wait until I feel like forgiving, I probably will never do it. I choose to forgive because it is right. Besides, I have to live with the consequences of the offense anyway, so why not be free of the emotional burden? I cannot change history, but I can change my heart. (Notice God’s model in Romans 5:6-11.)
III. Forgiveness is a process. Once I take the step of choosing to forgive, little by little the pain will go away. I may never regain good feelings toward the offender, but the weight of hatred and blame will begin to dissolve from vivid color, to black and white, to faded scenes.
IV. Forgiveness does not guarantee the relationship will get better. The person I forgive may not want restoration. I may not want to be around them either. The offender may be dead, or living a distance away. In some situations, it is best if the relationship is not restored. But forgiveness removes the chains that bind me.
V. Forgiveness does not mean allowing wrongs to continue. Grace never replaces justice. In most cases, God provides means of relief and protection (Romans 13:1-10). God Himself showed us what tough love looks like in His discipline toward Israel in the Old Testament. God’s heart delights in “justice, loving kindness, and righteousness” (Jeremiah 9:23-25; cf. Hebrews 12:1-13.)
VI. Forgiveness does not remove judgment. As long as I refuse to forgive, I am choosing to sit as judge over another’s sin(s). Romans 12:17-21 teaches me to release the right of judgment to God. He will defend me and vengeance rightfully belongs to Him. Often, God will remain hands off until we release an offender from our hands into God’s. (2 Corinthians 5:10; Revelation 20:11-15; Hebrews 4:13).
VII. Forgiveness means to be honest with how much I hurt. Be honest with God. Tell Him how angry you are; how unfair this has been. Ask Him to allow you to release pain and tears. (Psalm 39:12; 55:12 23; 56:1-9). Many of us need a trusted friend to share this time with us; not to counsel or advise, just to listen, care, and pray.
VIII. I may need to forgive myself. Some of us let others off the hook, but believe our own offenses are beyond forgiveness. We need to allow ourselves a fresh start(1 John 1:9).
IX. I may need to forgive God. We’ve questioned why God didn't’t intervene. It felt like God let us down. When we forgive God we are not claiming God sinned, but we are admitting it sure ‘felt’ like He did wrong, like God failed us. So, be honest with how it feels, admit that understanding God’s role may never make sense (Isaiah 55:8), and choose to let God off the hook.
1. I disagree with some of President Bush’s economic initiatives and I whole-heartedly support him as my President.
2. I have not always agreed with actions of my children, and have never ceased loving them.
3. King David fled for his life from his own son, Absalom. David also loved him and cared for him (2 Sam 18:9, 19:1f).
4. We rightly teach to “love the sinner, and hate the sin”.
5. Jesus said even to “bless those who curse you” (Luke 6:28).
6. Paul and Barnabus both went on to ‘blessed’ ministries; separate ministries (Romans 12:17-21)
7. I am to be at peace with all those I possibly can be (Romans 12:17-21).
8. We are not to judge heart motives, while at the same time, we are called to judge external behaviors (Mt. 7:1F, 18:15f).
9. We are to continue to seek heart-felt reconciliation (Col 3:12f).
10. We are to keep short accounts. Once we become aware of relational conflict, we are to deal with it as soon as possible (Mt. 5:21-24,Eph 4:25-27). The point being, grudge-bearing is not an option. We are to genuinely pray for and bless (not merely external, but from the heart) those with whom we have some level of disagreement.
**This material is a combination of personal biblical research and books by:
• Neil Anderson - The Bondage Breaker
• Lewis Smedes - Forgive and Forget
• Jim Yperen - Making Peace.
I want to give much thanks and credit to these authors.
My prayer:
“Righteous God, I know a root of bitterness is growing inside of me. I’m infected and I’m hurting. I’m hurting other’s too. I know that satan is allowed a foothold in my life when I refuse to forgive. So I invite the Holy Spirit to bring to mind any people that I have never forgiven for the hurts they have caused me. They may not even know that I’ve been hurt and angry, but I know it, and You know it Lord. Aid my memory, and heal me. I pray this through Jesus Christ my Savior, Amen.” Now make a list of all who have offended you. Note the name and a word or phrase regarding what the offense was. After the list is complete, clearly choose to forgive each one, one at a time. Don’t pray, “God, help me to forgive.” Don’t pray, “God, I want to forgive.” Actually do it, forgive. “Dear God, right now I choose to forgive _____________ for ___________________.”
After praying through your list, ask God to give you a heart like Jesus. Even on the Cross, with monstrous offenders before Him, He cried out, “Father forgive them” (Luke 23:34).
Since forgiveness is a learned art, as others may come to mind in the future, forgive them in this same way. And how will you and I know where we’re at in this forgiveness process? I’ll begin to honestly pray for God to grant them an overwhelming blessing (Matthew 5:44).
ADDITIONAL STUDY PASSAGES
I John 1:5-2:2
1) Who and what are my standards for holiness and righteousness?
2) What is necessary for me to remain in a right relationship with the Lord?
3) How often do I need to repent and seek forgiveness?Romans 5:6-11
1) What words describe our condition in relationship with God?
2) What action(s) does God take to maintain a relationship with you and me?
3) What should our response be to God’s kindness toward us?Matthew 6:12
1) Is the context of this verse (in the middle of the Lord’s Prayer vss 5-15)
teaching about a judicial decree, or is the emphasis on connecting, relating?
2) How often does this teaching apply to our lives? Hebrews 12:14-17 (Genesis 25:24- 28:9) 2 Corinthians 7:8-10
1) Do remorse and tears mean repentance is genuine?
2) What should biblical sorrow for sin look like?Ephesians 4:25-27
1) How are truth-telling and forgiveness related?
2) What should our anger propel us to do?
3) How can satan get a foothold in our life?Matthew 18:21-35
1) What is Jesus communicating to Peter in this passage?
2) What are the lessons here for you and I to learn?
Discuss:
Biblical forgiveness is a life long art. It is a practice of the heart. If I do not learn to apply forgiveness (resulting in bestowing an overwhelming blessing) four major walls of resistance will prevent life change:
1. I will live with a hard heart.
2. I will remain shallow in my personal and church relationships.
3. Other believers (family, friends, church network) will not be blessed by me.
4. The unbelieving world will not get a chance to experience grace.
David M. Groleau April 6, 2003
Notes on separating issues from the individual
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